Nietzsche's Niche
A Message From the Author:
In case the title did not enlighten you, I am Friedrich “Everything is Pointless” Nietzsche, renowned German philosopher, and mustache enthusiast. You may be wondering how this is possible, as I am veritably dead. While I most certainly was deceased, I have returned from the void of the universe to dispense my wise words of wisdom to the unfortunate. That would be you, my dear reader. So please, ask me anything, as I apparently have all of time to answer questions.
I would tell you to enjoy my lessons, but as we all know, joy is an illusion.
~~~
Dear Nietzsche,
I’m having trouble with a boy. I think he likes me, and I like him. What should I do?
Allie
Dear Allie,
It doesn’t matter because your entire life is pointless. Ignore everything and accept the inevitability of the eternal void of nothingness.
~~~
Dear Nietzsche,
i am 10 years yung an mi purnts r mad @ mi an wnt mi 2 do chores i hate chores.
N8
Dear “N8,” as you have so eloquently called yourself,
I do not comprehend what you are trying to say. Perhaps your mother and father are upset about their apparent failure as parents. I would suggest that you forget anything you are currently “upset” about, and read real literature! May I suggest “God is Dead”?
~~~
Dear Nietzsche,
There’s this bully at my school. She keeps taking my lunch money and calls me names. What should I do?
Dave
Dear Dave,
I am so glad you reached out to me. I have the best advice for you: tell her that she and everything else is irrelevant, yourself included.
~~~
Dear Nieztshe,
HELLLLLPPPP MEEEEEE I HAVE HOMEWORK DUE 2MORRO I SRSLY NEED YOUR HELP can u plz explain long divisn???
Jesi
Dear Jesi, as your parents have made the mistake of calling you,
I am so very pleased to have received your message. Unfortunately, I was unable to find this “Nieztshe” you speak of, and I, Friedrich NIETZSCHE could not possibly prescribe you proper advice. I will continue my search for “Nieztshe”, but in his absence, may I ever-so-humbly suggest you read a book, for the sake of enlightenment of course. Antichrist, perhaps? I hear “Nieztshe” is quite fond of it.
~~~
Dear Nietzsche,
I have always wanted to be a painter. I think my paintings are good, but I am afraid that other people will not think the same. Should I follow my dreams?
Addy
Dear Addy,
Dreams are as pointless and cruel as the void of nothingness that awaits us after our bodies turn to ash. Find something else to do.