Merry Christmas?
On one particularly bright, cheery day, an Intern knocked lightly on his employer’s door: no response. He tried again, more forcefully this time, to no avail. With rising panic, the Intern pushed the door open. The Intern was greeted by the sight of his employer, disheveled and facedown on a cluttered desk. Above the desk was a poster of the Man, looking thirty years younger, and significantly more fit. Cans of beer were strewn haphazardly around the Man.
“Sir, you have to get up. Please wake up.” the Intern stammered nervously. This was his third year working for the Man. The Man’s eyes opened slowly, revealing dark blue irises that had long since lost their twinkle.
“Why is it… sunny out? Make it go away.” The Man murmured pathetically. He lifted his head from the desk, and stared disdainfully at his window.
“Sir, I am not sure I understand. Are you asking for the Sun to go away? That may be beyond our capabilities at the moment, but I could check with-” The Man sighed heavily, silencing the Intern.
“Don’t get smart with me. You had better have a VERY good reason for awakening me at this hour, whatever time that may be.” The intern checked his watch quickly.
“It is 3:46 PM, today is-”
“I KNOW what goddamn day it is. Let’s just get this over with.” The Man barked.
“Well Sir, we need to begin preparations soon. We really think you could benefit from talking with someone about your… issues. For now, however, there is the matter of your attire to attend to; your departure is in an hour. ” The Intern chose his words very carefully, knowing that the day could become much worse for him otherwise.
“Did the Missus put you up to this? I have no idea what ‘issues’ you are talking about!” The Man’s hoarse voice raised as he sputtered out his words.
“And besides, don’t you people know by now? I’m MAGIC!”
“Of course sir.” The intern’s eyes darted quickly to the innumerable emptied cans littering the floor, and then back to the gray, wrinkled man that stood before him. He couldn’t help but wonder if the Man had always been like this, or if the years of effort had gradually worn him down.
“Well, where are my clothes?” The Man demanded.
“Here, sir. All of your others are being cleaned.” The Intern presented the Man with a maroon silk suit.
“I’ve always hated this one.” The Man grumbled, and snatched the suit from his employee’s outstretched hands. He sighed as he put it on loathingly.
“I’m sorry, Sir.” Seeing the Man in such a state truly did make the Intern feel sorry.
The Man said nothing as he pulled his boots on and made his way out of his room. He stumbled down a bright red hallway before stopping to pull out a flask from his jacket pocket.
“Sir! You can’t be drinking this late! Think of what-”
“Shut up. Hair of the dog.” The Intern watched in horror as the Man drank the entire contents of his container.
God knows what was in there, the Intern thought. The pair walked silently down the hall, arriving at a room filled with awaiting workers. Their faces turned to face the Man as he entered the overcrowded room.
“They’ve been waiting for you. It would mean a lot to them if you spoke a few words to them.” The Intern motioned towards a microphone. The Man glared venomously at his employee, before stepping up the the microphone. He stood upright and smiled. His gray, tired features suddenly seemed kindly, rather than old and decrepit. His eyes appeared to twinkle, and he began to speak warmly.
“I would like to thank each and every one of you for your hard work this year. I know life here can be… difficult, but always remember that you have helped make many people very happy. Above all else, never lose sight of that.” The workers applauded, and the Man and the Intern left the room. The Intern noticed that the Man seemed shaken by even his brief appearance. His charm, however, was gone as fast as it had come.
How many of those speeches has he given? How long has he had this job? Decades? For that matter, how old is he? The Intern wondered. The pair finally reached a door leading outside, to a clear, bright driveway.
“Where is the goddamn snow? It is winter. Where is the SNOW?” The Man yelled at the sky.
“If you’d like, I could have the workers use the artificial snow, Sir.”
The Man continued on, no longer listening to his employee.
“I have to wear this stupid suit, there’s no snow, and today is… today!” The Man yelled defeatedly.
“Sir, your vehicle is arriving now.” The Intern said, glancing at his iPad.
“I don’t care if Jesus himself is driving up right now. I need a drink.” The Man exclaimed, staring hatefully at the approaching carriage. The Man groaned as it pulled up next to him. He opened its red door, and sat inside.
“Good luck, sir.” The Intern said to the Man. He chuckled heartily.
“Luck. Ha! If only I had any of that these last few decades! If you call me ‘sir’ one more time, I will ship you to Siberia.”
“I’m sorry s- Mr. Claus.”Claus smiled as the bright red sleigh lurched forward. He looked back at the Intern with bright eyes.
“It has been a long, long time since anyone called me that.” The Man said. His voice had lost its rough edge, and was once again warm and jovial. For the first time, the Intern believed his employer looked cheery. His sleigh gained momentum and ascended further and further into the sky.
“Merry Christmas!” Claus shouted down to the dumbfounded Intern.
He NEVER says that, the Intern thought as Claus disappeared into the horizon. The Intern straightened his green suit, and turned back to the building. Merry Christmas indeed, he thought to himself.
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