Halloween, Senior Year, Salem, Massachusetts
Today is October 31st.
This is my senior year
and I am not dressed up.
Though I’ve stumbled through the halls of this highschool for four years,
every corner, is a surprise today.
Duff man, a prisoner or a ghost-buster,
might be there to meet me.
The day itself is a surprise.
The oppressive summer heat, evaporated.
The nights to remember became bitter mornings, and without you, it turned cold.
“Sweater weather”,
and now without even noticing,
it was tonight.
In this haste, I forgot a costume.
I could have been a goonie or a member of KISS but no,
Today I’m only me.
And no one is surprised to see
me.
This is Salem Massachusetts,
And tonight, every street
is a high school hallway.
Every corner of each street, a surprise.
The Beatles, a dinosaur or Nacho Libre might there to meet me.
But the novelty wears.
And I’m caught in the rhythm of my footsteps,
aimless
Uninvited to the party, I watch classmates passing in the hoard.
On their way to memories I’ve lost my chance to make.
I walk until finally my legs are too tired.
And in the darkest corner of the commons I claim the only empty bench
outlined by the headlights of a police ATV:
Lovers.
these are the times they’ll remember, and I
can't help but
Remember.
Remembering the summer,
Before the food stands and walking tours.
When I walked, again, aimlessly these same tracks, but,
not alone.
I walked with you.
through this bildungsroman that wasn’t.
Always afraid of making mistakes, of wearing a costume.
Of being anything besides myself.
And now, I’m afraid again.
I’m afraid of seeing you,
I’m afraid to face the memories that i tried too hard to make.
But I
am tired
of being afraid
Today is November first.
This is my Senior Year,
And I am in Salem massachusetts.
Everywhere people are trying to remember what happened last night
and I am trying to forget.