Mr. McGucket
Mr. McGucket
By Christopher Curran-Cardarelli
Mr. McGucket was quite an odd fellow,
who lived by his lonesome down in the meadow.
What made him so odd though could not be pinpointed,
as all of his quirks seemed oh so disjointed.
Maybe it was because of his eyes,
that lacked any moisture, and were perpulteruly dry.
Or maybe it had to do with his feet,
which, to be honest, looked more like yeast.
It could all stem from his ludicrous claims though,
the countless that seemed straight-up obscene,
like claiming that he had his own TV show,
which, according to him, was on channel 3.
What made him stick out just a sore thumb though,
besides his appearance and his ludicrous claims,
were the skills that he had right at his disposal,
these skills of which were his claim to fame.
He could kick any bucket, there were no exceptions,
across what seemed to be many miles.
No matter what type, no matter what style,
It always delivered a real nice reception.
He could eat almost anything,
nothing was safe from his steel studded gut.
Bees that were stinging and coal that was burning,
even those couldn't escape his stomach-shaped rut.
These skills and more had gathered attention,
and his oddities had gathered him tons of affection.
But McGucket hadn’t left his home for weeks,
and reports stated his property reeked.
Thus Louis McGucket, the mister’s first son,
left his abode to check on his dad,
and when Louis returned, his check up all done
he wrote a report which seemed more than bad.
News spread fast, as if in a frenzy,
all the front pages covered McGucket.
“Mr. McGucket, a man loved by many,
has, according to his son, kicked the bucket.”
Many mourned the loss of this man,
his old house receiving dozens of flowers,
but once the news spread, after few hours,
McGucket was sighted okay on his land.
“You told us he kicked the bucket, bit the bullet and dust!”
The locals angrily shouted at Louis.
Would Louis have really have broken their trust?
“But people, my story is truer than truest!”
Louis explained that he did kick the bucket,
but not in a real metaphorical sense,
he literally kicked an actual bucket,
it would have made sense if they just read the rest.
And as for the dirt and the bullet as well,
He stated his father wanted to expand,
as he was tired of eating bees and coal,
and thought they started to taste rather bland.
Yet, when Louis was finished explaining the story,
the news has spread, heard even by mice,
about the passing of poor old McGucket,
who, in reality, was doing pretty fine.